by Steven Long

My wife, Tammy Long, is a beautiful 44-year-old woman, and a loving mother to our two college-age daughters. In summer 2018, after friends, family, and colleagues had raised concerns about unusual behavior, Tammy went to the doctor to undergo testing. That fall, her case was referred to the Mulva Clinic for the Neurosciences at the University of Texas Dell Medical School. Tammy was officially diagnosed with behavioral variant frontotemporal degeneration (bvFTD) in January 2019. Shortly thereafter, we made the difficult decision to place Tammy in a memory care facility.

Our priority was to find a facility where she would be kept safe, but could also remain active. Tammy’s passion in life was her work as both a librarian and a jazzercise instructor. She misses both of those callings immensely, but sadly, FTD robbed her of the ability to work.
Prior to the COVID-19 pandemic, we spent as much time as we could with Tammy, and encouraged her close friends to visit often. Family would drop in on Tammy every few days to take her out on walks (her favorite!) and bring her by our home to enjoy some time spent in familiar surroundings. We would also regularly take her to get one of her favorite restaurant meals to-go, once it became too difficult to have sit-down meals inside a restaurant. Like many others living with FTD, Tammy has become very particular about what she will eat.

COVID-19 put an abrupt stop to these outside activities, and once Texas ordered assisted living and memory care facilities locked down, we were no longer able to visit at all. Thankfully, through the assistance of loving staff members, we are able to stay connected by exchanging daily text messages and pictures. Not a morning or night passes without a text from Tammy. She is also still able to scroll through social media, where she loves to see the faces of friends and family.

I communicate with Tammy a lot by sending simple GIFs, which always seem to evoke emotion or laughter in response. As small or insignificant as this type of interaction may seem, it is an important connection with my wife that has come to mean a lot to me.

Thankfully, Tammy is completely content at her facility, which has been a blessing and a relief to our family. Routine seems to be the key to keeping Tammy happy, and keeping Tammy as happy as possible is my first priority. The pandemic, and the changes it has brought, have had an emotional impact on all of us who love Tammy. The inability to visit her, or wrap her up in a hug, is hard on us.

Fortunately, our absence doesn’t seem to have had a negative impact on Tammy’s state of mind. Regular texting, visiting virtually, or chatting through a window, have all helped to keep us connected throughout this challenging time. And as long as Tammy is content, and knows how deeply she is loved, that is enough for me, for now.